May 30, 2014
By Mike Caccioppoli
Do you think, that in any normal, civilized, sane nation there would be a writer such as myself writing about a guy who calls himself “Joe the Plumber”? I mean really. But yet here I am. I couldn’t help myself. This country is in such an ass backwards, we are all so royally fucked age, that it comes down to this. People like this shit for brains are out there garnering attention. Much like his secret lover, Sarah.
You remember how Palin, McCain and the Republican party embraced Joe in 2008. You won’t hear his name mentioned by McCain now, who partly due to senility and partly due to the way he is able to bullshit his way out of things, often pretends as though certain things never happened. But Joe did happen as did Palin. McCain and the Republican party are to blame for it.
Now Joe is talking about guns. His first comment was “Their dead kids do not trump my constitutional rights.” He was talking about the parents of the murdered children in the Isla Vista shooting. That comment made me want to sodomize him with one of his fictitious plungers. Now he says “Guns are mostly for hunting down politicians.” That comment makes me want to find six other guys to sodomize him with one of his fictitious plungers.
Is he talking about politicians like Gabby Giffords? You see this might be a joke to Joe. The same way putting targets on the backs of politicians and talking about being “locked and loaded” might be a joke for a douche bag like Palin. But it’s not a joke. Because someone with almost exactly the same looks as Joe, you know, bald head, crazy eyes, the “American red neck look” as I like to call it, did actually shoot a politician. Almost to death. That same gunman killed several people including a little girl. So funny ain’t it Joe?
Now there are even people on my side of the aisle (the sane side) who think guys like Joe are just a cartoon and don’t represent millions of people. Can we really be that naive? Would you like me to show you the photos and videos of Joe talking at McCain/Palin rallies, with prominent Republicans looking on? You see guys like Joe and that Kincannon asshole are EXACTLY what the Republican party has become. It is what they ARE.
It is also what the pro-gun movement has become. A selfish, I want my guns and ammo no matter what movement. No heart, no soul, no caring about fellow human beings…as un-American as could possibly be. In my last column I wrote that I have given up, that the gun nuts had won and that this country is finished because of it. I received responses from people who begrudgingly agreed with me and others who still hold out hope. They don’t want me to give up on the issue of gun violence.
With people as dumb as Joe the Plumber, Todd Kincannon and that fake hillbilly from the phony reality TV show leading the way for the Republican party, how is it that Democrats still don’t own this country? I ask a rhetorical question because the answer is simple. They represent millions of Americans who believe in exactly the same things. They represent a Republican party that still has lots of money and power. Same as the NRA. This is why we see Joe in the news. The media realizes millions WANT to see him, that they stand up and say “Way to go Joe!” We progressives tend to live in a bubble sometimes, we talk with people who agree with us, live in places where we feel most comfortable, around our own.
The reality is that the America we now live in is overrun by people like Joe. They bring their guns to family restaurants, into bars, and churches. Yes they are mostly men whose dicks are small so they need big guns to replace their miniature manhood. This is the new America. The America of Joe the Plumber.
Damn. I swear I was going to try and be more positive with this column. I just can’t be a phony. You want an answer to the gun and violence problem? We can start by destroying the NRA, by any means necessary. Yes the problem goes deeper but this is the heart of the beast, kill it and the rest will die off eventually.
But really, what are the chances of that?
Joe the Plumber wants his guns. To hell with your kids and your politicians. The target is on their backs and he doesn’t give a shit. He is the Republican party, he is millions of Americans. He is unfortunately not a cartoon character.